3 Min read
On civility
Collegiate athletics
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When once the forms of civility are violated, there remains little hope of return to kindness or decency.
Samuel Johnson
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Giving Thanks is a ritual I look forward to at Thanksgiving and one I stop to reflect on throughout the year. I am grateful for faith and family and friendships. And you, dear reader. And, the kind word from a stranger, shared laughter over Korean Drama (beware, it’s addictive), and the smile of a newborn child. Or like this week, the fiery maple leaf on the stone steps.
A text I received from a friend made me stop and consider the role of civility today. It seems especially relevant in the heady and turbulent days between election and inauguration.
On Sunday my daughter’s team (Army West Point Volleyball) played in her collegiate league championships and lost in a fifth set tie-breaker. Her high school friend has played for the opposing team and as champions they will advance to the NCAA Division 1 tournament. Her friend’s team hosted the match at home court, so the bleachers were filled with banners, colors, and cheering fans.
A poster had ARMY in large black letters and the word, sucks, in red letters. The two words filled the large board, “ARMY sucks.” Here’s the text my friend sent me the following day.
Good morning MyLinh. D– and I are on the road and almost home. We were talking about some of our fan base. One thing that really bothered us was a poster that a [—school— —team—] player made. We found it offensive and wanted to apologize to you, Mark and Norah. I wish we said something in person. I imagine you’ve seen worse, but we personally have an issue when others disrespect those who defend our country. Thank you for all that you have done and continue to do! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. [heart emoji]
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I shared this with my daughter and her friend, who was upset by the poster. Then I shared it in the team parent group chat. The poster had bothered several players and parents. I had sadly become numb to this type of thing, or worse, as my friend noted. That does not excuse it and her note reminded me that we can and should take time to discuss such issues when they arise.
Had I sat near the fan with the poster, I would likely not have said anything. But, after receiving my friend’s text, I think going forward, that I might. The civility to discuss topics or issues we may disagree on with others requires maturity. And, it requires practice. This skill of civil discourse is more important than ever.
And, thoughtful observaton and delivery make a difference to improved behavior and relationships.
Giving thanks to those who defend the nation, secure the blessings of freedom, and are away from their homes and their families this holiday.
And, wishing all of you and yours a peaceful and restful Thanksgiving.
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I don’t believe in confrontation. That seems to me outside civil discourse and we all have to find ways to be civil to one another.
Condoleezza Rice
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