A Veteran Of The Mommy Wars

“Who cares if you work or stay home? … Be the best mother that you can be … and ignore what everyone else says.” This is sage advice from a Tampa mom who chose to start a law practice, but later made the tough decision to scale back and spend more time with her family when her own mother became ill.Recent media coverage and Leslie Steiner’s new book, “The Mommy Wars,” have rekindled the debate between moms who decide to stay home and those who opt to return to work. While many mothers work for financial reasons, most of the debate centers on mothers who have a choice.Diane Sawyer interviewed law professor Linda Hirshman on “Good Morning America.” Hirshman condemned moms for leaving the workplace, citing a failure to maximize their capabilities and not thinking of the consequences of staying home.In an article, Hirshman stated that expensively educated moms who choose to stay home will live lesser lives that involve “sweeping and cleaning bodily waste.”Hirshman targets women like me. I’ve enjoyed a great education and thrived in my professional career, yet I’ve chosen to stay home with my children.I worked after my first child was born, but I soon learned juggling a demanding job with a baby meant I wasn’t doing any of it well.After waking the baby in the morning before work, I didn’t see her until I put her to sleep when I got home. In order to climb the corporate ladder, I’d need to do a lot more than 9 to 5. Ultimately what worked best for me was to compromise my career and not my parenting.Hirshman, a mother herself, believes she is continuing the feminist movement spearheaded by the Betty Friedans of yesteryear. But she doesn’t get it.Growing numbers of women are deciding to leave the workplace. Census data show 54 percent of mothers with graduate or professional degrees leave full-time work.Mothers are individuals with unique talents, attitudes and financial situations. The very choice we enjoy today is a major contribution of the early feminist movement.A successful business executive and longtime friend recently related her story of leaving a prominent health care company to raise her child. Her human resources director, also a mom, asked: “Why are you doing this?”My friend said she never imagined she’d “have to justify my reasoning to my company. Then I realized that I wasn’t justifying it to my company; I was justifying it to this woman. I was envisioning her getting out her mental yardstick to see if my rationale would measure up.”Some do not value parenting and base their views of motherhood on the mundane aspects of caregiving.What they overlook is the premium value that mothers as individuals place on parenting.Consider the lawyer who gives up a six-figure income to stay home with her child or the college professor who leaves the classroom to parent full time – a choice that means raising her children is more important to her than money and status.Parenting is a priceless, lifelong effort. This is true whether a mother chooses to work full time, stay at home or do anything in between.Time out of the workplace will certainly affect a mom’s résumé, but life is about trade-offs.Women are harder on women. Men just don’t do this kind of stuff to one another.The mommy wars are being pushed by the feminist elite and championed by the media, many of whom are working moms and have used this stage to justify their own decisions. At its root we’ll find envy and righteousness.Diane Lewis, a member of the Tampa group Mothers & More, shared her feelings. “Pitting one mom against another does nothing to improve our lives.”Choosing to stay home or return to work is like many paths in life: We can deliberate and vacillate about the road not taken and see the glass as half empty.But women who opt out of the workforce can use this time to search their souls and perhaps try a career change, an academic degree or the realization that parenting itself can be the greatest endeavor in life.Michelangelo could create a great work of art and Hemingway a great novel, but a mother’s hand creates the greatest masterpiece of them all: humanity.Perhaps the ideologues can achieve peace when they quit prescribing for (and judging) others. And recognize that we can’t espouse what is best for every mom, only choose the course that is best for ourselves.MyLinh Shattan is a graduate of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point and holds a master of business administration degree from Florida Southern College. She lives in Lutz with her husband and three children, ages 6, 4 and 2.

May 14, 2006

0 Comments

About the Author

Mylinh Shattan is a writer who has lived on three continents, served in the Army, worked in corporate America, and taught in college. She loves adventures, in the world and in the mind. Literature is relevant and learning is a lifelong pursuit, so you might as well have a bit of fun along the way.

Stay Up to Date

Rise above the tedium with the TreeHouseLetter. Always learning with a bit of fun.

Latest Posts

Munger on Learning and the Art of Swearing

In memory of Charles T. Munger, who passed away at the age of 99, I am sharing a TreeHouseLetter from last year. Munger was a man who believed in always learning. In my whole life, I have known no wise people (over a broad subject matter area) who didn't read all the...

Giving Thanks for a Man I Never Met

4 Min read On love and Thanksgiving Three rules for life AVAILABLE ON PODCAST SPOTIFY * I did not know the deceased. Garrett gave the eulogy on Friday* which was hard to listen to, hard to hear his voice quaver, to see him fight for composure. Death is a surprise....

On Flesh-Eating Beetles and Sins of the Mother

7 Min read Sense writing: traditional five plus two more 2 Reading recs: historical novel and story 1 Writing guide Improve writing immediately Toolbox, ages 9 to 99 AVAILABLE ON PODCAST Spotify * Writing Through the Seven Senses When I'm working on an aspect of my...

In the Company of Heroes*

4 Min read Operation Gothic Serpent / "Black Hawk Down" 30-Year Anniversary 160th SOAR(A), Night Stalkers Panel Discussion: Mike Durant (Pilot & POW), Dan Jollota (Pilot), Lee Van Arsdale (Ground commander) Veterans Day AVAILABLE ON PODCAST Spotify * This Veterans...

Spooky Hour with Spirits of the Dead

6 min read Word Work 2 Lexicons: Webster's NID 2nd Ed and Shorter OED 1 Book rec Halloween, All Saints' Day, All Souls' Day Fall mocktail, easy and delicious AVAILABLE ON PODCAST SPOTIFY Lakeview Cemetery next to my father's grave * No pressure but what are you doing...

What’s in Your Trunk?

5 Min read New England's largest flea market* Poetry for Emergencies--on the folly of fame, legacy, empire Sonnet by Percy Bysshe Shelley Book rec on writing song lyrics Toolbox, use 7 senses to improve writing** Texan king in a cow pasture AVAILABLE ON PODCAST...

Why Do I Run?

7 min read 4 book recs: two on running and two on living Running gear for mid-life and the mid-packer Training, injury-free and effortless The Army Ten-Miler * AVAILABLE ON PODCAST SPOTIFY * Why do I run? I'm not sure I like running, even when I was fit and fast....

Topics

Inoculate yourself against the absurdity of life with a dose of the best ideas and writing. Always learning with a bit of fun.

TreeHouseLetter

Always learning with a bit of fun

 

 

Readers receive one to two letters a week, with 2 to 10 minute read time. Includes regular features:

 

The Music in Prose
Poetry for Emergencies
Toolbox

 

 

Be inspired by the best writing and ideas, and become better readers and writers in the process.

Thank you for joining! Please check your email for a confirmation.